Parents act REALLY touchy and touché when you bring up any
thoughts, suggestions or advice regarding their parenting. I understand. I used
to feel that way about my teaching. But the difference with teaching is usually
you are having a planned discussion about your teaching style. And as I have
gained more experience, I know how to separate the chaff from the rice.
My friend Jen posted on Facebook about a couple of women
watching and commenting on her husband’s “rough” handling of their child. She
was pissed because she knows her husband is a good father and wouldn’t do
anything to jeopardize their son’s health and safety. Gender stereotyping Nevertheless, I thought Jen’s angry
reaction was interesting considering her easygoing personality.
During an all-women’s writers group, I mentioned this
incident. And one of the women mentioned how she would always get nervous when
her husband threw or tossed their child in the air and how a cartoon made her
laugh about it. The cartoon showed the child’s perception of the distance
between father and him – too close to daddy, and the mother’s perception which
was the baby being tossed up to the ceiling.
Then the women started talking about how those women were
just being “over protective” as is in their nature, and how they would understand
Jen getting upset because the father’s behavior shows a reflection of her
mothering. And when I mentioned Jen is a doula, they were like, Okay! It all
makes sense now!!!!
I recently posted this article on FB from Details magazine
called,
Are
you raising a douche bag? And surprisingly, my brother got really agitated
by it. In fact, as I type, I can see he is responding to our discussion because
I thought the article was good and he did not.
One of the things that bothered me about Waldorf was I knew
I was working with entitled or rich kids. Waldorf education is an expensive
one. Now let me be clear, I know we want to give our children the best but I
come from a different background. I’d put my family on the low-middle class
scale, blue collar, and spare the rod spoil the child kind of thing.
I used to get incensed over politics, I still get stupid
angry over drivers, and like any asshole without kids, I certainly have options
about childrearing. I guess because I’ve been reared before.
One of the biggest criticisms I received as a young Waldorf
teacher was I didn’t have any children, so what could I possibly know about
them. This deeply hurt because I loved
my students as if they were my own and had dedicated myself to teaching. Enter
sob story here.
Now I just think, “You are absolutely right.” All I know is from what I see and observe
when I’m in the classroom or when I’m interacting with your child. I realize
parents want to be held accountable for the brilliant and great things their
child does and congress a “hands off policy” when their child behaves badly.
I’d be the same way I’m sure.
But if there is one thing I’ve learned from my failed
Waldorf experience, from watching my friends and family raise kids, from
teaching English in foreign countries, it’s this: R E L A X your balls.
Breathe. Don’t take everything so seriously.
Folks are going to have many opinions and thoughts about you
that you might feel are mostly false and downright wrong but there is nothing
you can do to change it. Trust me, I’ve tried.
I can only say this now because I wonder how my Waldorf
career would have turned out had I been more understanding, compassionate and less
touchy. This is not to validate or
justify what some of the faculty and parents did, but I don’t think wishing you
were more compassionate and understanding is a bad thing. Or is it?
Posts
